Things My Patients Said vol. 6

My mate Alex is working in cardiothoracic surgery at the moment. Today he had a Scottish man who he was taking blood from, pre-op. He explained the different tests he was doing, including checking his blood group in case he needed a blood transfusion, so they can have some on standby in the fridge with his blood type. In response to this his wife says in her strong Scottish accent:

Wife: "Will it be Scottish blood?"
Alex: "Haha...."
Deadpan wife: "I'm not joking."
Alex: "Ummm well it's all given anonymously so we can't tell..."
Wife: "I don't want him getting any puny English blood, he needs strong Scottish blood"
Alex: "Oh... well as I say there really is no way to know... umm... you have the right to refuse a transfusion, but that may risk him dying..."
Wife: "Oh..." *Thinks for a bit* "Well, I suppose he'll just have to have it then."


Delirious lady - "The Queen came to see me this morning"
Daughter - "No she didn't..."
DL - "Oh it must have been yesterday then"
Who knows, maybe the Queen has been for a royal visit and we're accusing this lady of being confused!

Another delirious lady...
Me: "Hello there Mrs ..., my name's Alex, I'm one of the doctors. Just come to see if you've been drinking enough today or if we need to give you any extra fluids. Have you had much to drink?"
Pt "I'm going private! Let me out, this is a disgrace!" 
(No one's stopping her leaving, but she's immobile.) 
She'd spent all week accusing the day-team of stealing her non-existant Yakult so eventually someone had bought her some.
Me: "Unfortunately we can't send you home because you've not been v well, you've been a bit muddled"
Pt: I'm not muddled!! *Threws Yakult at me*
I gave it back and she threw it at me again yelling "I already threw it at you once!"

Things my patients' said vol. 5

Sarah's patient who she'd been taking lots of blood from: "Ahhh! There's the green lady, Lord save us all!"

Dysphasic patient (means they struggle to get their words out) who I couldn't understand as he wasn't making any sense shouted at me: "You don't know anything, do you?!"


My 89 y/o patient genuinely said this when I asked how he was doing this morning "Well I'm up to my eyeballs in constipation, but don't worry, I've taken a double laxative so I'm soon going to be swimming out of here on a lake of shit..." I couldn't stop laughing for about 5 minutes!

"What happens at this 42 West Street? Everybody keeps asking me about it!" (It's the address we use to test people's memory)

I was sitting at the desk today writing in a patient's notes and one of our completely dotty patients came up to me and said "Can I help you with anything?" "No thanks" "Are you sure you don't need anything explaining?" "I think I'll be alright!"

Dartmoor

This is an old post I wrote a couple of weeks ago, but for some reason didn't publish.

On Saturday me, Sarah, Alex, Rachel and John went to Dartmoor for a long walk and lunch.

There were lots of ponies and cows and sheep and the ponies let us stroke them :-) This little baby one was really fluffy.