Sarah's patient who she'd been taking lots of blood from: "Ahhh! There's the green lady, Lord save us all!"
Dysphasic patient (means they struggle to get their words out) who I couldn't understand as he wasn't making any sense shouted at me: "You don't know anything, do you?!"
My 89 y/o patient genuinely said this when I asked how he was doing this morning "Well I'm up to my eyeballs in constipation, but don't worry, I've taken a double laxative so I'm soon going to be swimming out of here on a lake of shit..." I couldn't stop laughing for about 5 minutes!
"What happens at this 42 West Street? Everybody keeps asking me about it!" (It's the address we use to test people's memory)
I was sitting at the desk today writing in a patient's notes and one of our completely dotty patients came up to me and said "Can I help you with anything?" "No thanks" "Are you sure you don't need anything explaining?" "I think I'll be alright!"
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