Things my patients said vol. 7

We had a really cantankerous, very overweight gentleman (BMI about 55) and who was desperate for an orange calipo (ice lolly). He wanted us to buy him one from the shop, but instead when his wife phoned, Nina asked if she could bring some in. She was a bit uncertain and said she'd have to go to the big supermarket because he'd eaten all of the calipos in the village!

During a crash call the other day...

Confused old lady: I know CPR, let me help, I've seen it on casualty!

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Me: Hello Mr J..., my name's Alex, I'm one of the doctors, I've come to see how you're doing...? What can I help you with today?
Mr J: Well I came here to look for a job
Me: Err...
Mr J: I know I'm 72, but I could do with having a job, only the man said there weren't any, so maybe you could give me a lift home?
Me: Err... Mr J where do you think we are at the moment?
Mr J: At the dole centre of course!

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Dementia lady wants to leave hospital...
Tom: I know you don't want to, but we really think you ought to stay in so we can get you better. Do you know where I'm coming from?
DL: I don't care where you come from!
Tom: Err...
DL: I don't mean to be rude. But I will be soon if you don't let me go!

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Patient with chest pain: I took my TNT, but it didn't make it any better
Me: Err your GTN didn't help?
Later, still straight faced: Yeah the TNT didn't make any difference 
(Spray for relieving angina)